9/10

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS TALK OF ABUSE, SELF HARM, AND SUICIDE. Other side of the spectrum here. This album makes me feel like absolute garbage which is the entire point of it in the first place. It talks heavily of codepdendent abuse and self harm as well as suicide, several things I relate very strongly to. The singer himself reportedly based it on something he once witnessed happen in a hospital, which explains a lot about the tone of the album and its instrumentals. It makes me really think about what's happened to me and what's left for me.

Favorite Tracks - Sylvia, Wake

Sylvia reminds me of terrible, wretched people. It makes me feel like absolute shit and yet I seem to listen to it very often when I feel bad. The song itself was introduced to me by someone who did something truly awful to me, and yet it doesn't really make me think of that person as much anymore. It's dark and depressing and self violent and everything you would expect from an abuse victim being gaslit into thinking they're in the wrong. The nearly whispered verses followed up by a burst of dramatic and violent screaming from the singer, begging for some sort of mercy from their persecutor really hurts to listen to. It really hits home for anyone who's been in a controlling and abusive situation before.

In contrast to Sylvia, Wake almost feels serene to me. It's the calm at the end of the storm, when you can look around and see everything that's been destroyed and accept that it's gone, but nothing else is going to be wrecked for now. It's the small breath you can take after a close brush with death, to remind yourself that you're still here, and you're still alive. It makes me think back to times before I was medicated, when I was extremely unstable and slowly starving myself to death before I got a wake up call in the form of one of my coworkers dragging me aside to tell me how much she cared about me, unprompted. Something about the song makes me just feel a bit calmer after the storm has passed. I've had my moment, and it's over now. I'm alive.

Two - Least Favorite Track

This song reminds me of someone awful. The song itself is fine, I have no real issues with it despite the fact that I'm just not much of a fan of songs that have such an unpolished feel to them. My brain switches views on it constantly, and I can't seem to unhook it from the memory of that person. Easily a least favorite.

Hospice is an album best not listened to, ever. If you do choose to listen to it after my traumatic recallings above, though, you may find some peace in the fact that you are not alone in feeling awful after your first experience with it. It's built to make the listener feel what the artist felt. You are supposed to share that pain. It does its job well.